We Were All Misguided Until You Pulled the Trigger

It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I can't look into your face without remembering how you left me in the cold and dark. How you let the storm swallow me. How you never checked to see if I'd survived. How you just assumed I'd be back. How you called letting me go "caring." Pride is a terribly powerful force, but mine needs to be cut down sometimes. You should have pulled me back. It would have been better in the end. Right?
I can still feel the damp in my bones, the weakness in my body. Will I ever recover from this? I've tried ignoring the emotional hurt because this physical one has come up and surprised me. I had sleeping sickness before my heart thawed and began complaining. I couldn't fall asleep as I tossed and turned with an unknown flu. When finally I slipped away my dreams held me captive. I'd wake and scream out to the sunlight, lift up a hand in protest, but there was no one there to grasp it and down I fell again into a torturous dreamland where you wanted even more from me but where you held me closer than ever you'd be able to in this waking world.
I had no other option. I don't think you understood. I had miles of downcast glances to get angry. You had miles of conversation to become forgetful. For me the miles weren't enough. Disappointment wrapped on my door when, safe and warm, I heard not a word. The anger never came. At least not in earnest. I may have watched it pass by in the streets on a handful of occasions but its destination was elsewhere.
And still I wait, but I know the greeting I shall receive when my face again emerges before your own. Empty in its warmth. Meaningless. Pleading care, loyalty, and guidance. What a glorious figure you are, such an idle, such a patronymic mentor. But how can you claim to take me under your wing when all you do is fly me to the highest cliffs and let me fall. And maybe I do survive but I don't need to be pushed. I don't need to be pushed.
It's not that I don't love you. It's not that I don't appreciate what you've done for me. It's just a person gets tired of falling off cliffs, tired of watching her hopes crash against the rocks as she walks on. Every time I see you I can hear them shattering. You may have inspired me, you may have built my past, but every second you are destroying my future.